All's Not Lost
by forsaken2003
Summary: Xander is date raped and Spike is there to help him
1. Chapter 1

Title: All's Not Lost 1/10

Author: forsaken2003

Pairings: S/X, A/W

Rating: NC17 (Mild description)

Disclaimer: I own none, all belong to Joss Whedon  
Comments: Always welcomed!

Summary: Xander is date raped and Spike is there to help him

Warnings/Spoilers: Season 5 No Glory, No Dawn

Plot Bunny by: Lady Q: write a story where Xander is date raped

Beta'd by: Dragonfly_64 and mrs sakuma

Part One

Willow and Buffy bounced into the Magic Box. "Xander!"

"Hey ladies." Xander looked up from making a stake. "What's got you all Tigger-like?"

"We talked to Brett, you know the guy in our philosophy class?" Willow replied, a smile on her face.

Xander focused all of his attention on his friends. "What did he say?"

"You guys are on for tomorrow night!" Buffy answered and sat beside Xander. "We showed him a picture of you and told him you had a great personality, and he said he was in!"

"What's this now?" Spike asked, sauntering in from the training room. "The whelp is a pouf now?"

Xander glared at Spike. "Shut up Spike."

"Not judging," Spike said and rolled his eyes at the snort he got from Xander. "I'm a vampire remember? We don't care about the sex of the person; as long as we're getting off, that's all that matters."

"Eww!" Buffy scrunched her face up in disgust.

Xander blushed at the thought of Spike having sex with another man. He couldn't lie and say it wasn't a nice thought.

"Just ask Peaches next time you see him Red," Spike smirked. "He's got lots of stories."

Willow frowned. "I am not going to ask him about his past sexual experiences. It's none of my business."

"Can we get back to me?" Xander interrupted, looking anxious. "Did he say where he wanted to go? He doesn't want to make me decide, does he? I can't think under pressure."

"Can't think at all," Spike muttered loud enough for everyone to hear.

Willow put a reassuring hand on Xander's shoulder. "You have nothing to worry about. Brett said he'd take care of everything."

"What am I suppose to wear? I don't want to look like a loser," Xander said frantically. "Shut it fangless!"

"I didn't say a word," Spike replied looking like a picture of innocence.

"Keep it that way," Xander threatened. He was in panic mode. This was his first date with a guy and he needed to make sure he didn't screw it up.

"He's a great guy," Buffy comforted Xander. "He just got out a long term relationship, so it will be simple. No pressure of any kind."

Xander sighed in relief. "I guess I'm as ready as I'm going to be."

Xander fiddled with the too tight jeans that the girls made him buy. He turned around for the fifth time. "People are going to actually be able to count the change I have in my pocket," he said to himself.

"Oi Whelp, let me in!" Spike yelled through the door before banging on it.

"Damn it." Xander glared at the door before opening it. "What do you want Spike? I'm kind of in the middle of something."

Spike looked over Xander, wearing black boots, skin tight blue jeans and a green wife beater. He couldn't deny he looked good. "Oh right, your little date." Xander glared at Spike before he began to close the door. "Bloody hell, I need your help alright?"

"And I would help you why?" Xander asked curiously.

"Because you're one of the good guys," Spike replied. "Just let me in alright?"

With a sigh, Xander let him in. "You break any of my stuff and I'll get Buffy to beat you up."

"Always with the violence," Spike complained.

"So what do you need my help with?" Xander asked while looking at his watch. "You have a few minutes before Brett gets here."

Spike tossed his duster over the arm of a chair and made himself comfortable on the couch, putting his docs on the coffee table. "I don't seem to be wanted at Willy's anymore."

"What did you do now?" Xander asked accusation filled his voice.

"Why do you lot always assume it's my sodding fault?" Spike grumbled. "I may have cheated at poker with a couple of Zakara demons. Nasty things they are, they work together to kill something. One is hard enough to kill, three of them is nearly impossible."

Xander didn't look impressed one bit. "Don't tell me they chased you out of there and possibly to my home."

"They were trailing me; might have lost them," Spike answered, looking bored. "But most of the demon population knows where I live and I need a place to hide out for a bit."

A knock came on the door. Xander looked between the door and Spike. "Fine but you don't talk to Brett, break any of my stuff and don't blast that crap music you listen to and have the neighbours call the cops."

"Take all my fun," Spike complained. "Fine, alright. I'll be a good little vampire."

Apparently that was good enough for Xander, because he opened the door. "Hi, Brett?"

"Xander," Brett smiled. Xander had to admit he was a good looking guy. Black hair slicked back. His eyes were brown and seemed to sparkle when he smiled. "Your picture didn't do you justice; you are much better looking in person."

Spike rolled his eyes as Xander blushed. "Bloody pathetic."

Brett's attention went to Spike. "Am I interrupting?"

"What? No, Spike is just a … friend. He's having some problems and needed a place to stay tonight."

"We can reschedule if you want?(,)" Brett offered but looked like he wanted to do anything but.

"No, he's fine here alone." Xander promised and smiled, "Let's go."

Spike watched them leave before turning the T.V on. "Now let's see what's on the telly."

Part Two

It was quarter after two in the morning, when Xander finally made his way back to the apartment. He closed the door and stumbled towards the bathroom. All he wanted was take the longest, hottest shower possible.

"Had a good night did you?" Spike sat up on the couch startling Xander.

"Leave me alone," Xander replied, not looking at Spike.

Spike quirked an eyebrow, "I can smell it, you know. So much for simple; tsk tsk. Putting out on the first date, what would the girls say?" He mocked; he was surprised when he was grabbed by the collar of his black t-shirt and shook hard.

"You don't tell them a god damn thing," Xander hissed, tears filling his eyes. "I'll stake you before you use this against me… against them."

"What are you blabbering on about?" Spike demanded then he caught the whiff of blood. "Bloody hell." Spike's eyes enlarged as he realised what happened.

Xander shoved Spike away from him. "I'm going to take a shower."

"You need to go to the hospital," Spike disagreed with disbelief.

"No I don't," Xander answered and closed the bathroom door behind him.

Spike heard the water turn on and steam soon leaked through the crack at the bottom of the door. He listened as Xander washed himself, worried that Xander might do something stupid.

Finally, after half an hour Xander came out of the bathroom his skin red from the heat. He refused to look at Spike, "I'm going to bed."

"Talk to me, tell me what happened." Spike said in almost a calm voice, as if he were trying to not scare an already frightened animal.

"Why? You know what happened," Xander replied but stopped at his door. "You just want the details."

Spike shook his head even though Xander wasn't looking at him. "You aren't going to tell your friends about what happened and you washed away any evidence to go to the cops. If you don't talk about it, it'll end up eating you up inside."

"Alright, but if you laugh or make any kind of comment I'll stake you," Xander threatened before entering his room.

"I thought you were going to tell me?" Spike asked confused.

"I will, but right now I need sleep okay?" Xander asked and stood there as if he was waiting for permission to go to bed.

Deciding not to push, Spike nodded. "We'll talk in the morning."

"Thank you," Xander whispered before closing the door.

Spike lay back on the couch but remained awake in case Xander needed him. He knew he was a bastard; he'd killed his share of people, tortured them for the sheer fun of it. But never in his hundred plus years had he ever raped someone. That had always been more Penn's thing. He thought about how, in order to get revenge for Xander, the chip needed to be removed.

Xander tossed and turned knowing, sleep would not come to him, but he couldn't face Spike just yet. He just wanted to forget what happened. What was he going to tell Buffy and Willow? What would Brett tell them? The second question scared him even more. Would Brett tell them that they had sex or that things didn't work out? What if he told them he wanted to see him again? How would he explain that he wasn't interested without telling them what happened?

With a groan, Xander rubbed his palms against his eyes hard, seeing all the pretty colors dance under his eyelids. He listened for Spike in the living room; it was completely silent. Maybe he decided to leave. Xander hoped that he did but at the same time he didn't. He couldn't stand to be alone right now.

There was A small knock on the door and it opened; Spike's head popped in. "I know you don't want to talk until you've slept. I just wanted to make sure you were alright, though," Spike said and realised how stupid that was. Of course Xander wasn't alright.

With a sigh Xander sat up. "Why are you here, Spike?" 

"Told you, just wanted to make sure you were alright," Spike replied lingering near the door.

"Why?" Xander asked, looking away from Spike. He wanted Spike to care, wanted to know this wasn't some trick.

Spike shifted, looking uncomfortable. "No one deserves this. Death is much better; you're not left with the memories of what's happened to you."

Xander sniffled. "You picked a hell of a time to piss off some demons you know?"

"You'd rather be alone?" Spike questioned.

"No," Xander answered, wiping his nose.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" Spike asked gently.

"Not really," Xander replied. "But I promised didn't I?"

Spike remained silent letting Xander get his thoughts together. He had no doubt that this was going to be hard. He only hoped that he could keep his emotions in check.

"It was going great at first. He seemed nice and really interested in me. We went to this underground club that I didn't even know about. It was like a rave or something," Xander started off. "I decided not to drink because he was, and one of us had to be sober right? He didn't seem that big; he was smaller than me wasn't he?" Xander asked.

"Yeah pet, but size doesn't always matter," Spike explained. He slid to the floor, not wanting Xander to think he was looming.

Xander swallowed fighting down the bile. "He had too much to drink, I think. He was getting a little more touchy feely than I was comfortable with. I told him that and he apologized and stopped. Later I started kissing him. It was my fault, I led him on. He thought it was the go ahead. We were kissing one minute on the dance floor and the next we were in the backroom."

"This isn't your fault Xander. Just because you kissed him didn't give him the right to do this to you," Spike disagreed. He couldn't stop the growl that rumbled through his chest.

Xander nodded but Spike could tell he didn't believe him. "I kept telling him no but it was like he couldn't hear me. The next thing I know, we're both naked and he's towering over me, pushing his way in. He never said a word. I couldn't move, like I was paralyzed. It was over pretty quick."

Spike sat there trying to find the words to comfort him. He said the only thing he could; "I'm sorry."

"That wasn't even the worst part," Xander laughed mirthlessly. "When he was done he actually had the nerve to cuddle. The entire time he held me, I cried. I still couldn't move; I was afraid if I did he would do it again. Then he kissed me and told me we needed to go. We got dressed and he dropped me off." Xander finished the story, his whole body shaking, "It's karma."

"What are you talking about?" Spike asked not following what Xander was saying.

Xander brought his knees up wrapping his arms around them. "When Buffy first came to town I was possessed by a hyena spirit. I was crushing on Buffy big time. I had been so cruel to Willow and I attacked Buffy. If she hadn't been the slayer or thrown a desk at me I don't know what could have happened."

"That wasn't you, it was the demon. This bastard has no bloody excuse. I promise you pet, he'll pay for ever touching you."

"What are you going to do Spike?" Xander questioned looking at Spike.

"I'm going to get the bloody chip out of my head and kill the bastard." Spike snarled his promise.

Xander's eyes went wide. "What?"

"I'm going to kill the bastard," Spike repeated and stood up, making his way over to the bed, only stopping when Xander tensed up. "He deserves to suffer and I am going to be the one that bloody well does it."

"Why do you even care Spike?" Xander remained wide-eyed. "What is it that you want?"

Spike knelt beside the bed. "I like you. Angelus told me years ago you were a white knight. You still are; you're keeping your pain bottled up to spare your friends the guilt. You're loyal to a fault. I should despise that but I don't. I only hope one day I could have such loyalty for myself and I hope that it's yours that I get."

"But you hate me," Xander reminded him.

"No I don't. I just play the role you all think I should play," Spike clarified.

Xander seemed to accept that answer. "I don't trust you, but if you keep my secret, I'll help you find away to get rid of the chip."

"You don't need to do that," Spike replied clearly shocked that Xander was willing to actually help him get rid of his disability.

"I want to, I-I can't do it myself," Xander responded. "Just don't go after my friends."

"I have no intentions on killing any of them. I just want him," Spike promised. "Once I'm done with him, if you want me gone, I'll go."

"I… don't know. I'll decide when the time comes," Xander answered, suddenly tired.

Spike stood again. "Get some sleep. If you need me I'll be on the couch, alright?"

Xander snuggled down, his eyes closing. "Thanks Spike."

Part Three

Sunday afternoon found Xander at the Magic Box. He spent the previous day in bed, Spike being very un-Spike like and stayed with him giving small talk and bringing him food. Giles phone telling him a new demon was in town, he didn't go into much detail but did asked Xander to bring some donuts. Setting the box on the table he waited for the girls to arrive, he paced around the front room trying to figure out what to say to them.

"Xander is everything alright?" Giles asked walking in with a cup of tea.

"Yeah… fine," Xander replied quickly going back to the table and sitting down, his leg bouncing slightly.

Willow and Buffy burst in smiling when they saw Xander, "You didn't call us yesterday about your date!" Buffy accused.

Xander became uncomfortable, "I-I had to work, problems at the site."

"Oh, well tell us now." Willow demanded excited to know what Xander thought of Brett.

"Maybe we could hold off on Xander's personal life for now and get down to business?" Giles asked rolling his eyes at the teens.

Buffy took a bit out of a donut, "We might want to hold off on that."

"Why, did something happen on patrol last night?" Giles asked becoming interested.

"Nope just your everyday run of the mill vampires. Actually Brett was talking about stopping by to see Xander. He had a great time with you on Friday." Buffy told Xander getting excited. "I think he wants to ask you out again."

Xander stood and stumbled backwards, "No!"

"Xander," Willow's eyes got wide, "What's wrong?"

"I-I…" He began breathing hard. "I just didn't feel a connection with him."

Buffy frowned, "But he's such a nice guy. Maybe if you give it another shot…"

"I said no!" Xander yelled at her and made his way to the door. "I have to go, sorry."

"We have a dangerous new demon." Giles called out as Xander made his way to the door.

"I can't help… call Angel," Xander answered and fled the shop.

Xander rushed into his apartment twenty minutes later slamming the door shut and locking it before sliding to the floor burying his head into his knees. He flinched away when a hand rested on his shoulder.

"Pet what happened?" Spike asked sleep in his voice. He hadn't expected Xander to be back so soon.

"He was going to be there," Xander said the words muffled by his knees. "He was actually going to be there!" His entire being was shaking.

Spike helped him up and to the couch setting him down before going to the kitchen to get him some water. When he came back out Xander was back in a ball rocking back and forth. "He's not going to hurt you again Xan. I promised you I'd take care of it and I meant it."

Xander accepted the glass with shaky hands and took a sip, "Why is he doing this Spike?"

"I don't know luv," Spike sat beside Xander and pulled him into his arms. He waited for Xander to go rigid but it didn't happen. Xander actually wrapped his arms around Spike's neck pulling him closer.

"How are we going to get rid of the chip?" Xander enquired.

"I don't know," Spike replied knowing it wasn't the answer Xander wanted. "We'll start looking though yeah?"

Xander nodded, "Can I ask a favour Spike?"

"Course," Spike spoke and settled into a more comfortable position.

"Will you move in? Just for a little while anyways?" Xander begged, he knew he was pathetic afraid of a human after he spent the last 5 years helping fight demons.

Spike couldn't say he wasn't a little shocked by Xander's request, but at the same time he wasn't. If this guy did come by Spike wouldn't be able to hurt him but one look at his demon face and he'd be running scared. "Keep me in blood and I'll stay as long as you need me."

"Thank you," Xander pulled away calmed down a little. He wouldn't be alone Brett wouldn't be able to get near him.

The phone rang, Xander made no move to answer it. The machine picked up after the third ring. Willow's voice came on, 'Xander are you there? What happened on your date with Brett? He stopped by and was disappointed that you weren't around. Anyways I phoned Angel and he is coming down to help with the new demon. We could use your help; we can't seem to find Spike. Call me or stop by the shop okay? I'll talk to you later.'

Spike looked at Xander; obviously he wasn't able to hide his emotions as well as he thought he could. "You're not going to be able to hide it. They know something is wrong and they'll want to know."

"I know," Xander replied. "I don't want them feeling guilty though. They didn't know what kind of guy he was they shouldn't have to suffer for it."

"Neither should you," Spike argued.

"I don't know what to do Spike," Xander said tearing up.

Spike pulled him back into his embrace, "We'll figure it out."

Part Four

Spike and Xander ended up at the shop that night, Angel already there. Spike ignored him completely and hopped up on to the counter. "So what's this new demon?"

Angel looked between Spike and Xander, something was different. Xander reeked of Spike and vise versa. "We're looking at a 'bul'ga' demon."

"What are those?" Xander asked.

"They are demons that cause their victims to become comatose. It's never been answered to why they do this," Giles explained to them.

"How many people are we looking at?" Buffy asked wondering what their next move was.

Giles grabbed the newspaper, "It says eleven people have been admitted into the hospital in the last two weeks. They are starting to think it is an epidemic with no answers to what's causing it."

"Alright than, how do we kill the bugger?" Spike asked looking forward to some violence. He had been cooped up in Xander's apartment for the last couple days not wanting to leave Xander alone for long periods of time. He needed for Xander to trust him to protect him and he wasn't about to let him down.

"Simply cut off its head but before that Willow will need to do a spell to release the essence you could call it to awaken the victims," Giles informed them. "If we kill it before the spell is complete they will stay in the coma and there will be no way to fix it."

"Anything else about this demon we need to know about?" Buffy asked pulling her sword out of the sheath.

Giles went back to his books but Angel beat him to it, "They have tentacles."

Willow beamed; she loved when Angel was knowledge vamp.

"Great tentacles, can't go too long without tentacles what would be the fun in that?" Xander complained. He hated tentacles the way they wiggled around freaked him out.

"Just make sure you have a sword on hand and things should go smoothly," Giles reminded him. "Now Willow and I should go and gather the ingredients that will be needed."

And hour later they were already headed out to the area where all the victims were found. It was a fairly large area so Angel suggested that they split into groups of two to cover more ground. So now Xander was walking close to Spike every now and than his shoulder would bump into Spike's, if it bothered him though he didn't say anything.

"I hope we don't find it," Xander whispered not wanting to draw any unwanted attention there way.

"You don't want me to have any fun do you pet?" Spike criticized as he lit up a cigarette.

Xander flushed realising that Spike hasn't actually had any violence since he found out about Xander. "Sorry, I didn't think."

Spike noticed Xander's demeanour change and recognized his mistake. "I've gone longer without violence. I was in that wheelchair chair for over a month."

"Right, I forgot about that," Xander replied. "Maybe we'll run into some fledges."

"Maybe," Spike smiled letting Xander know he wasn't really upset if they didn't find the demon.

They walked for a little while, before Xander spoke again. "Should we stop off at your crypt?"

"What for?" Spike was thrown by the questioned.

"Extra clothes and whatever else you might need." Xander answered and then looked worried. "You're still gonna stay with me aren't you?"

"And give up the blood and the satellite dish?" Spike asked with a smirk knowing Xander would know everything was going to be fine.

A storm rolled in quickly surprising even Spike. The rain fell heavily causing Xander to shiver, "Maybe we should find the others."

"Alright," Spike led Xander to where Angel and Willow were sensing his grandsire. Along with sensing Angel he also knew the demon was close. "Sorry Xan, looks like the demon is close."

"Why can't it hate the rain?" Xander complained as he pulled out his sword. When they were close enough he saw Angel fighting the demon along side Buffy while Giles stood over Willow making sure she wasn't interrupted during the casting of the spell.

Spike charged in helping Buffy and Angel keep the demon at bay. While Xander stood there unsure of what he should do. Than he remembered that he was the master of distractions, so he straightened up and yelled like warrior and rushed into the fold. He soon realised that his battle yell was probably the wrong move because it gave the demon a heads up and knocked Xander away with a tentacle.

Xander was down for the count, his leg cut up. He tried several times to stand but his leg would give out.

Spike growled and yelled to Willow, "You better finish that sodding spell or I'm killing this thing, screw the others."

A few seconds later there was a loud pouf and lightening struck a little too close to Spike making him jump back. Everyone watched as the bul'ga screamed in rage as the essence of its victims left him. As soon as the last one left its body Spike jumped at it slicing its head clean off. Not wasting his time with a victory or taunting the others that he got the kill he rushed over to Xander who was still on the ground. "You alright pet?"

"I think so, just need some help standing," Xander explained and Spike and Angel helped him up.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Willow asked as she came over. "Your leg seems bad."

"I'm alright; I just want to go home." Xander replied looking at Spike with pleading eyes.

"Buffy could you walk Willow home? I just want to make sure Spike gets Xander home safely." Angel wanted to talk to both of them something was up and he wanted to know what.

Willow pouted for a minute, "You'll be by after though right?"

Angel smiled and gave her a quick kiss, "You know I will."

Both vampires helped Xander home and Angel decided he would wait until Xander was patched up before he started his interrogation.

It didn't take long for them to get to Xander's apartment; half way there Xander's leg gave out making Spike carry him much to Xander's discomfort. He had been close to Spike, let him hold him even but this was different, it made him feel weaker than he was.

Angel grabbed a wet towel and came back kneeling beside Xander, "I can't tell how bad your leg is. Take off your pants so we can get a better look." Angel knew there was blood, but without seeing the wound he couldn't determine if it was bad enough that they should go to the hospital. He waited patiently for Xander to do as he was instructed and was shocked when he tensed up and more than shocked when he found himself on the floor with Spike's knee driving into his back.

"Not going to fucking happen," Spike growled at Angel.

"Get off of me," Angel growled back, not understanding what happened. All he was trying to do was help. He saw Xander begin to shake and got the wrong idea, thinking he was afraid of Spike. Worried about Xander, Angel quickly flipped over and pinned Spike to the floor, "What the hell did you do to him?"

Xander was up and grabbing Angel's arm, "Let him up!" Xander begged. "He didn't do anything."

Angel released Spike and looked between the two of them, "Someone better explain to me what the hell is going on."

Part Five

Angel sat there stunned after Spike took care of Xander's leg, Xander told him what happened. He remembered Willow telling him how excited she was about setting Xander up with this guy and how she was sure they'd make a cute couple. "They don't know?"

"No, and they're not going to," Xander answered. "The only reason you even know is because you're nosy." He complained making him sound like a child.

"What does Spike have to do with this?" Angel asked, he had no doubt Spike had something planned.

Spike looked at his sire, "You gave him to me didn't you? I protect what's mine."

"Spike we've been over this for the last three years. It was a trick, Xander does not belong to you," Angel told his grand childe.

"I what now?" Xander looked between both vampires, "When did this happen?"

"That night at the school pet," Spike reminded him. "The poof here gave you to me and I accepted."

Xander frowned, not sure if he liked the thought of being owned. "He offered me to you for a snack."

"Still gave you to me," Spike simply said.

"For the hundredth time it was a trick," Angel brooded.

Deciding it wasn't that time for this completely insane conversation Xander went back to the important one, "We want to get the chip out."

"You want to what?" Angel's eyes almost popped out of his head. "That chip is the only thing keeping Spike from killing people Xander."

"I know, but…" Xander couldn't finish his sentence. He couldn't look Angel in the eye and tell him he wanted Brett to suffer for what he did to him, that he wanted him dead.

Spike placed a comforting hand on Xander's shoulder. "The bastard needs to pay and I promised Xan that I'd be the one to do it. I have no intentions on going after your girl or any of the others. I just want him. After that I'll leave if that's what Xander wants."

"You really do consider him yours," Angel said in awe.

"Been telling you that for years Peaches," Spike replied obviously annoyed.

"Look we're going to find a way to remove the chip. You don't approve and I understand that but we're going to do it and I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell the others." Xander requested. "You know that the girls will blame themselves and I won't let that happen."

Angel sighed unnecessarily, "I do know. And you're right I don't approve but it's not my place to tell them what happened to you. This is your choice and if there is anyway I can help let me know." He turned to Spike, "If you kill anyone besides him I'll take you out is that understood?"

"If Xander tells me to stay I'll be a good little vampire and stay on the baggies. Good enough?" Spike asked sarcastically. Angel loved to live on his high horse.

"Good enough," Angel accepted and stood. "I'm sorry Xander, I truly am. If there's anything I can do let me know. And I promise I'll never tell Willow."

"Thank you," Xander was grateful that Angel would keep his secret. He never really liked the guy but he knew he would let nothing hurt Willow. He watched as Angel left to go check on Willow. "I'm tired I'm gonna go to bed."

"Xan…" Spike started but didn't know what he should say to him. He knew Xander would never voluntarily want to be his and he could never make him. But that didn't mean he wouldn't look after him."

Xander shook his head, "Not right now alright Spike? It's all too much right now, everything is too much. I just need time to think, the most important thing right now is to get rid of the chip."

"Alright pet," Spike agreed, not wanting to upset Xander. He seemed to be holding it together, a little to well and Spike was afraid to much pressure on him and he would crack. When Xander retreated to his room Spike went to the kitchen taking the cordless phone with him. After three rings the other end up picked up, "Willy it's Spike I need a favour. … I need you to track down a demon or a witch anything that can get this sodding chip out of my head. … I know I bloody well asked you when I first got it; I want you to try harder! If you don't find me something that will get the damn thing out in forty-eight hours I'll have my boy torture you. … You don't need to know who he is all you need to know is that he'll do as I ask. … I'm glad you understand." Spike hung up the phone and went back to the living room turning the television on making sure the volume wasn't too loud wanting to make sure he could hear Xander if anything happened.

Xander laid in his bed thinking about what Spike and Angel had been talking about. How could Spike possibly want him? He wasn't clean; no matter how much he showered he'd never be clean. So how is it possible that Spike would even think about him? He decided he was jumping to conclusions neither Spike or Angel said anything about Spike wanting him like that.

His eyes flickered towards the door wondering what Spike was doing. He wouldn't lie and say he wasn't attracted to Spike, he had been for sometime. Willow knew of course he'd never been able to keep things like that from her. That was actually the whole reason for the set up. He needed his mind on someone else, he got his wish. Giles had been right about that, never make wishes on the hell mouth aloud and apparently never silent ones.

His body shook at the thought of Brett, his first real chance at a normal relationship and just like that it had been taken away from him. Could he have a semi-normal relationship with Spike? God how many times had he thought about that? Shaking his head he scolded himself, now wasn't the time to be thinking about something like that. It was too soon to be thinking about something like that.

Deciding he couldn't sleep until he knew what the vampires were talking about he climbed out of bed and slowly walked to the door. His hand on the doorknob as he worked up the courage to actually open the door. With a deep breath he jerked the door open.

Spike couldn't stop the jump that he did when the bedroom door opened; he just grabbed a mug of blood which he was now wearing. "Are you okay?"

"Sorry," Xander rushed to the bathroom bringing back a towel for Spike. "I-I'm not sure."

"What's wrong?" Spike stood, he hadn't heard anything.

Xander bit his lip, "I want to know what you and Angel meant."

Spike couldn't say he wasn't surprised, considering that not even half an hour ago Xander told him it wasn't the time for that conversation. "I thought you didn't want to know?"

"I didn't… I don't," Xander looked confused at what he just said. "I don't know but I don't want to have all theses thoughts in my head because I don't know what you two were talking about."

Spike motioned Xander over to the couch, "What is it that you want to know pet?"

Xander sat on the couch but not too close to Spike, "What did Angel mean when he said you really consider me yours?"

"Since that night he offered you to me, I've taken it upon myself to look after you." Spike said he continued when Xander gave him a sceptical look. "How do you think you and your little friends survived that summer when the slayer took off after sending Peaches to hell?"

"You were off with Drusilla," Xander decided to remind Spike; obviously you could get Alzheimer's when you were a vampire.

Spike rolled his eyes, "She kicked me to the curb before that pet. Basically as soon as she woke up she was gone."

"Well what about the time you kidnapped me and Willow?" Xander asked not feeling any less confused.

"Wanted to see you," Spike answered. "I followed you to the school. I wasn't expecting company though."

"And the spell you wanted Willow to do?" Xander questioned.

Spike looked at Xander like he was dumb and maybe he was, "What else was I suppose to bloody do? Go sorry Red I want to take the pretty boy to stare at? That would do wonders for my reputation now wouldn't it?"

Xander couldn't help the blush that covered his cheeks, normally he would take it as an insult to being called pretty but he didn't seem to mind having Spike call him that. "So you like me than?"

"If I didn't I wouldn't be trying to get revenge for you now would I pet?" Spike retorted, the words were spoken softly though. He brought his hand up and placed it on Xander's cheek. "I'd kill for you pet; I'm going to kill for you."

"I shouldn't want you to," Xander said. "But I do. Some white knight I turned out to be huh?"

Spike smiled kindly, "White knight with tainted armour." He leaned in to kiss Xander but at the last second pulled away and stood. "I'm gonna go to the Bronze for a beer. Get some sleep."

"Spike…" Xander stood as well and watched Spike leave.


	2. Chapter 6

Title: All's Not Lost

Author: forsaken2003

Pairings: S/X, A/W

Rating: NC17 (Mild description)

Disclaimer: I own none, all belong to Joss Whedon  
Comments: Always welcomed!

Summary: Xander is date raped and Spike is there to help him

Warnings/Spoilers: Season 5 No Glory, No Dawn

Plot Bunny by: Lady Q: write a story where Xander is date raped

Beta'd by: Dragonfly_64

Part Six

Spike sat at the bar drinking a beer, he ignored the waitress that was trying to pick him up. She was cute enough but right now all he could think about was Xander. He wanted to forget the stupid mistake he just about made with Xander. Xander needed his help not him trying to snog him. With a sigh he downed the rest of the beer and ordered another one.

He knew he needed to get back to Xander's apartment; he didn't want Xander to be alone for to long. Spike doubted that Brett would actually be stupid enough to go and see Xander but Xander didn't need to be left alone he was still too fragile. After he finished his latest beer Spike stood up tossed a few bills on the bar before leaving.

When he returned to the apartment he found all the lights turned off and Xander's door closed. Wanting to make sure he was alright Spike knocked on the door twice before walking in. He found Xander curled up in a ball on the bed holding a pillow tightly against his chest, "Xander?"

"What do you want Spike?" Xander asked not looking at him.

Spike could smell that Xander had recently gotten out of the shower, droplets hanging to the ends of his hair. "Are you alright?"

"Just leave me alone," Xander said and turned over leaving his back to face Spike.

"Xander, I'm sorry about earlier," Spike apologized. He smelt the tears before seeing Xander's body rake with sobs. Without hesitation Spike climbed onto the bed and wrapped himself around Xander. "It's alright pet."

Xander buried his head into his pillow before speaking.

"I didn't quite catch that Xan," Spike spoke softly as he stroked Xander's side.

"I'm disgusting," Xander repeated loud enough this time for Spike to hear.

Spike pulled the pillow away and tossed it onto the floor so Xander wouldn't hide behind it, "What the bloody hell are you talking about?"

"I'm dirty and I can't get clean," Xander sobbed. "I'm never going to be clean and it's all your fault!" He screamed.

Spike growled, "My fault? And how do you figure this is my fault Whelp? I'm not the one that set you up with the bastard!"

"It's not… I'm just tired." Xander buried further under the covers. "I'm sorry Spike."

Spike climbed off the bed, his anger deflated, Xander sounded so broken. "Can I do anything?"

"Could you stay? Just for a little while," Xander asked his eyes red and puffy. "Keep the nightmares away?"

Spike pulled off his docs before climbing under the covers. Xander wiggled to get closer and grabbed a handful of the black t-shirt. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright luv," Spike nuzzled his cheek against Xander's head. "Willy's looking into finding someone to get this chip out and than we'll get your revenge."

"Can I ask a favour?" Xander asked several minutes later.

"Anything," Spike replied.

Xander turned his head his breath warm on Spike's neck, "Just kill him, no torture. I just want him dead."

Spike wanted to protest but in the end it was Xander's decision, "Done."

Buffy and Willow stopped by the construction site for lunch and to check up on Xander. Willow had phoned Buffy that morning telling her when Angel came home he was acting weird, broodier than she'd ever seen him. The girls decided that they would question Xander about the date, something was wrong and they were determined to find out what. Now they sat at on the grass under a tree across from the site.

Xander bit into his sandwich and looked up at his friends who were both staring at him. "What?" He asked wondering if he had mayo on his chin.

"We want to know what happened with Brett," Buffy interrogated Xander before biting into her apple.

Xander's breath hitched, he should have known they'd gang up on him. "H-he's just not the kind of guy I'm interested in is all." He set his sandwich down all of a sudden losing his appetite.

Willow looked sympathetic, "Still crushing on Spike?" She asked forgetting Buffy didn't know.

"You're crushing on Spike?" Buffy's jaw dropped, "Since when?"

"Awhile now," Xander and pulled the bread apart rolling it into small pieces.

"Does he know?" Buffy asked shocking both Xander and Willow when she didn't freak out about the new discovery.

"No, and I'm pretty sure he isn't interested," Xander answered looking even more uncomfortable.

Willow squeezed his hand, "You'll find the right guy."

"How do you know he doesn't like you?" Buffy questioned, she couldn't believe anyone could not like Xander, he was just too loveable. "Did you ask him?"

"No, it's complicated Buff," Xander had to give a relieved smile though. He didn't want on top of everything for Buffy to be mad or disgusted with him.

"Speaking of Spike, we stopped by his crypt last night to pay him for his help and he wasn't there. It doesn't look like he's been there in a couple days." Willow raised an eyebrow at her best friend. "You wouldn't happen to know where he is, do you?"

Xander looked guilty, "He actually moved back in with me, demon problems."

"Cheated at kitten poker again?" Buffy guessed.

"Got it on your first guess," Xander answered with a laugh. He looked at his watch, "Well ladies I need to get back to work. I'll see you guys later." He stood and helped his friends up before jogging across the street.

"Wills, I'll see you later I have a vamp to see," Buffy dusted herself off.

Willow looked worried, "You're not going to meddle are you?"

"Me meddle?" Buffy tried to sound shocked failing miserably. With a wave she was gone.

"Poor Spike," Willow said to herself before heading the opposite way to the college.

Title: All's Not Lost 7/10

Author: forsaken2003

Pairings: S/X, A/W

Rating: NC17 (Mild description)

Disclaimer: I own none, all belong to Joss Whedon  
Comments: Always welcomed!

Summary: Xander is date raped and Spike is there to help him

Warnings/Spoilers: Season 5 No Glory, No Dawn

Plot Bunny by: Lady Q: write a story where Xander is date raped

Beta'd by: Dragonfly_64

Part Seven

Buffy used the key she had gotten from Xander to get into the apartment. She looked around and noticed a chunk of blonde hair stick out on the arm of the couch. When she realised he was sleeping she grabbed a hold of the back of the couch and tipped it sending Spike to the floor.

Spike jumped up from the floor in game face snarling when he saw Buffy, "Bloody hell woman! Can't a vampire get a decent sleep around here?"

"What's wrong with Xander?" Buffy demanded to know.

"He told you?" Spike clearly surprised.

"So you know?" Buffy's eyes narrowed.

Spike pulled out a cigarette, "Course I know, knew from the start."

"So what he isn't good enough for you?" Buffy asked. "You'd be damn lucky to have someone like Xander!"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Spike raised both eyebrows. So apparently Xander didn't tell her.

"I'm talking about Xander totally crushing on you for some disturbing reason. You can't even give him a chance?"

Spike fell onto the couch. Xander had a crush on him? It suddenly hit him about Xander's out burst the night before about it being his fault. Xander had assumed he had no chance with the vampire.

Buffy couldn't help but notice Spike completely thrown from the revelation. "I thought you said you knew."

"I did… I just didn't know you knew is all." Spike composed himself. "So you came all the way down here why?"

"I think you should give him a chance," Buffy explained. "He tried moving on from his feelings and it obviously didn't work. I'm not saying you have to fall in love with him but would a date kill you?"

"I guess not…" Spike's mind still reeling. All this time he had been afraid to go after what belonged to him when Xander was apparently willing to be with him. He was an idiot. He couldn't do anything about it right now though could he? Xander didn't need him plastered all over him. But at the same time maybe Xander needed to know that he was wanted. "I'll talk to him about it alright?"

Buffy nodded, "Just don't hurt him. He's been down the last few days. He thinks he's hiding it but he's not."

"Don't plan on hurting him, I don't mind him much." Spike told her straight out, "Wouldn't mind being with someone who isn't barmy."

"Good," Buffy said with a smile. She was Buffy the match maker! "I'm gonna be late for class."

Spike watched her rush out the door. He looked around the living room and noted that it could use a tidy up. Starting with the mugs with crusted blood he left the night before he set off to work.

When Xander returned home from work, he was exhausted. He probably should have taken Spike's advice and called in sick. Maybe he'll do that tomorrow. His leg had been killing him.

"Spike you here?" Xander asked as he dropped his tool belt of the floor.

"I just spent the better half of my afternoon cleaning this place up, put that sodding thing away," Spike ordered and came out from the kitchen.

Xander bent down and picked up his belt and placed it in the hall closet. When he walked into the living room he instantly saw the difference from that morning. "You cleaned?"

Spike shrugged, "Nothing better to do. How are you doing?"

"Sore, I think I'm going to take your advice and play hooky tomorrow." Xander answered and gently sat on the couch.

"Good, didn't just mean your leg though. This was your first day back to work," Spike explained, wanting to make sure Xander was alright.

"I didn't have any breakdowns if that's what you mean. I apparently save those for you," Xander said obviously embarrassed about the previous night.

Spike saw his opening, "About that. Buffy came by this afternoon, felt we needed to have a chat."

"Buffy stopped by?" Xander scooted over to let Spike sit. "What did she want to talk about?"

"You and me, it seems she has this crazy notion that you're interested in me." Spike jumped right in.

"S-she told you that?" Xander asked shrinking into himself. "Look I know you don't feel that way about me. I got that message last night. Loud and clear I think there was even a bulletin board."

"I don't believe I didn't say I wasn't interested." Spike raised an eyebrow at Xander.

Xander looked up at Spike, "But last night you… I don't know what you almost did."

"I almost kissed you," Spike filled him in. "I stopped myself because you don't need anyone crowding you like that right now."

"Your conversation with Angel last night, when you were talking about me belonging to you. You didn't mean as a pet did you?" Xander asked hope filling his voice.

"No in the beginning I did of course, big bad and all. You were pretty and I wanted you. But after the damn Initiative crippled me and I got to know you things changed." Spike decided to be honest, Xander deserved that much. "Don't plan on rushing you into anything. I just want you to know it's an option when you feel like you're ready for it."

Xander merely nodded thinking about what Spike said. When he was ready he'd definitely take Spike up on the offer, "You hungry?"

"Already ate, but I ordered a pizza for you," Spike told him. "Why don't you get washed up it'll be here shortly."

"Thanks I could use some cheesy goodness," Xander smiled at him before standing. "I'll be back in a few."

Spike watched as Xander made his way into the bathroom. As soon as the door was closed he went over to the phone and dialled Willy's number. Sure he told Willy he'd give him forty-eight hours but he was a demon would it be that big of shock that he lied.

"Willy, yeah it's Spike… did you find anything… I don't care if I gave you forty-eight hours I want something now." Spike growled into the phone, "A witch? Where? … Are you bleeding kidding me? ... Fine," He hung up snarling in frustration. Spike looked at the closed bathroom door. How the hell was he supposed to tell Xander he had to go to Nepal?

Title: All's Not Lost 8/10

Author: forsaken2003

Pairings: S/X, A/W

Rating: NC17 (Mild description)

Disclaimer: I own none, all belong to Joss Whedon  
Comments: Always welcomed!

Summary: Xander is date raped and Spike is there to help him

Warnings/Spoilers: Season 5 No Glory, No Dawn

Plot Bunny by: Lady Q: write a story where Xander is date raped

Beta'd by: Dragonfly_64

Part Eight

"Nepal?" Xander asked with disbelief.

"Yeah," Spike answered.

"The one that's in Asia?" Xander questioned hoping he was just confused.

Spike nodded, "It's the first one that Willy found. I've got to go."

"How long?" Xander slouched down. He had only been in the shower for maybe twenty minutes. How could things change that fast? Spike was leaving him.

"I don't know pet," Spike wrapped his hand around Xander's neck trying to ease the tension. "Do you want me to stay? Wait until we find one that's closer?

"Yes," Xander replied. "But that could take months if not longer. You want the chip out and this might be your only chance. When will you leave?"

"Soon as possible I guess, tomorrow." Spike suggested and placed a kiss on Xander's temple. "Will you be alright?"

Xander shrugged, "I don't know. You'll come back though right?"

"Course I will," Spike promised. "Have a job to do here don't I? Besides I don't plan on leaving you. Still waiting for my chance with you aren't I?" He smiled at Xander.

Xander sighed, "It's only be four days and I already trust you. Why is that?"

"I'm a trustworthy guy," Spike retorted which earned him a snort. "You know I'll protect you."

"I do," Xander established with a sigh. "Are you going to want to patrol?"

"Think the others can handle it without us for one night." Spike said he had no idea how long he'd be gone so he wanted to spend his last night with his boy.

Giles looked over at Xander who had his head resting on his arms resembling a kicked puppy. He had been that way for the last two weeks. Afraid of the reason, which he already knew. Spike had disappeared, not that he was complaining any but it obviously seemed to be a distraction for the young man. Both Willow and Buffy also noticed it. Angel even seemed concerned and offered to stay since they seemed to be down two men for patrol.

Now for the most part Xander just hung around sulking. "Xander I know we've already asked but what's wrong?"

"Nothing," Xander buried his head into his arms. If he had known he'd be this affected by Spike leaving he would have told him to stay to find another way to get rid of the chip. He hadn't heard from him and that worried him. What if he got the chip out and decided Xander wasn't worth coming back for? What if something happened to him and he was now dust?

"If that undead ass comes back I'm so going to kick his ass." Buffy said she hated seeing her friend like this. Obviously Spike took off as soon as he could after their talk.

Angel stood up, "Xander I think the wooden horse is a little shaky maybe you could take a look at it?"

Xander looked up and saw Angel's nudging his head to the backroom. "Yeah sure," He stood and followed Angel. Everyone's eyes followed them.

Angel closed the door behind Xander, "He isn't dead."

"How do you know?" Xander asked sitting on the couch.

"I'd feel it," Angel explained sitting beside Xander. "He's going to be back."

Xander looked at Angel; he had dark bags under his eyes. "What if he decided I'm not worth it?"

"Xander," Angel sighed. "It's been three years since I 'offered' you to him. Did it really seem like he lost interest in you? He's kept your secret for you. If he wasn't planning on coming back for you I have no doubt he would have gone to the others and told them before skipping out."

"I want him to come back," Xander said miserably.

"Do you love him?" Angel asked.

Xander bit his lip, "I don't know. How can I love someone that's tried to kill me? Besides that I don't think I'm ready for anything more."

"No one is telling you to," Angel told him. "You can't help who you fall in love with. He isn't going to push you into anything." He looked over at Xander debating on saying anything else. "Look Xander, I think you should tell them."

"Are you kidding me?" Xander stood up and paced. "What the hell am I suppose to say. 'Hey guys remember that date you set me up on? Well he kind of raped me. Sorry I didn't tell you soon.'"

Both heads turned when Giles's glasses hit the floor. Him, Willow and Buffy were all standing at the doorway.

"H-hey guys," Xander said weakly.

"He what?" Willow asked hoping she heard wrong. She couldn't have set up her best friend with a rapist.

Buffy's hands became fists, she'd kill him. How dare that bastard hurt her friend, "I'll kill him."

"Buffy you can't," Giles placed a hand on both hers and Willow's shoulders trying to calm both of them. "You're a slayer, slayers don't kill humans. I on the other hand can."

"No!" Xander began panicking. They all knew, knew how disgusting he was, how weak. "None of you are going to do anything."

Willow went over to Xander pulling him into a hug. "I'm so sorry Xan," She sobbed into his neck. "We didn't know."

"Shh Wills," Xander wrapped his arms around her. "I know it's not your fault."

"Xander let me get revenge for you," Buffy begged. She needed to make things right.

Xander pulled her into the hug, "I don't want you doing anything that you'll regret in the future."

"I'd never regret that," She whispered.

"We should go to the police," Giles spoke up. If Xander wouldn't let him take care of it than the man should be punished in another manor.

Xander shook his head, "I didn't want anyone to know. Besides Spike's going to take care of it."

"Spike?" Willow pulled away. "But he has the chip."

"He's gone to Nepal to get it removed," Xander told them waiting for the shit to hit the fan.

"How does Spike know?" Buffy asked. Why would Xander tell Spike and not them?

Xander wrapped his arms around himself feeling exposed. "He was at my apartment that night. I'm sorry I didn't tell you but I didn't want to make you feel like it was your fault. You had no idea what kind of guy he really was."

"When is Spike going to return?" Giles asked he may not like the vampire but he was protecting Xander he had to have some respect for that.

"I don't know," Xander replied. "I'm hoping soon though."

"You're going to stay with me and Angel," Willow told him. "I don't want you staying alone, not until Spike comes back."

Xander looked between Angel and Willow both seemed to genuinely want him there, "Just until Spike gets back."

Angel smiled; for once Xander listened to him. Spike would be back.

Title: All's Not Lost 9/10

Author: forsaken2003

Pairings: S/X, A/W

Rating: NC17 (Mild description)

Disclaimer: I own none, all belong to Joss Whedon  
Comments: Always welcomed!

Summary: Xander is date raped and Spike is there to help him

Warnings/Spoilers: Season 5 No Glory, No Dawn

Plot Bunny by: Lady Q: write a story where Xander is date raped

Beta'd by: Dragonfly_64

Part Nine

It had been another week and a half since Spike left to get the chip removed. Whenever he started to doubt that Spike would return Willow would tell him to have faith.

Xander was still awake in Willow's spare bedroom. When the door creaked open Xander tensed. Willow only came into check on him if he had nightmares. The bed shifted and than a hand was on his shoulder. It was calloused, Willow's hand was soft. Xander couldn't help the whimper that escaped his lips. Brett found him.

"Hush pet," Spike whispered in his ear.

"Spike?" Xander whipped around not being able to see Spike because it was so dark.

The table lamp was turned on making Xander squint. Spike sat on the bed looking ragged. "You look like shit Xan."

"Could say the same about you," Xander shot back but the relief of having Spike back was obvious. "How did you know I was here?"

"Left me a note remember?" Spike reminded him.

"Oh yeah," Xander had forgotten about that. It seemed like a life time ago. "Are you alright?"

Spike laid down beside Xander, "Yeah. It took me a week to find the bloody witch."

"Did you get it out?" Xander asked looking hopeful.

"Not exactly," Spike replied but didn't seem to want to continue.

Xander grabbed Spike's hand, "What happened?"

"She knew right away why I was there. Knew that I wanted to be whole again. She told me she wouldn't do it, having another demon running around killing more innocents." Spike stated.

"So she wouldn't help you?" Xander asked disappointment clear in his voice.

"Didn't say that did I?" Spike raised an eyebrow, "Just said she didn't want me killing the good little happy meals. She agreed to malfunction the chip to an extent. Apparently she likes revenge as much as a vengeance demon."

Xander wanted to stomp his feet, he probably would have if he had been standing, "Spike!"

"Anyways," Spike smirked at him. He loved annoying Xander. "I can't kill the good guys or the chip will go off but I am fully capable of going after bad ones."

Xander whooped with joy and jumped on Spike hugging him. When Spike didn't return the hug Xander let go and slipped back to the other side of the bed. "What's wrong? This is what you wanted right? To be able to kill again?"

Spike shook himself, he knew Xander wanted Spike to get revenge for him but he was sure once Spike returned Xander would have changed his mind. "Yeah pet, I was just waiting for you to say you changed your mind is all."

"Xander are you okay?" Willow walked in clearly surprised to see Spike. Her eyes widened, "It's about time you got back mister! Do you have any idea what you've put Xander through? How many nights he'd cry out your name? You better have gotten the damn chip out."

Spike looked at Xander, "How does the witch know?"

"They all know Spike," Xander's eyes shifted between the two. "About everything."

"Oh that's just bloody perfect!" Spike jumped off the bed. "Now the damn slayer is going to dust me. Couldn't keep your trap shut could you?"

Xander shrunk into himself. He didn't even see Willow move until Spike fell back onto the bed holding his jaw.

"Don't you talk to him like that," Willow hissed at him. "He's been through hell, and he doesn't need you being a big jerk. Buffy isn't going to kill you. She actually wanted to be the one to kill Brett. Giles and I were right in line with her."

Spike sighed and curled up next to Xander, "Sorry luv. It's been a long few weeks."

Willow smiled as Spike nuzzled Xander's cheek, "Now that you boys are done talking. I'm going back to sleep." She left them to themselves.

"I didn't mean to tell them. It's just they all wanted to go after him and I had to you know?" Xander said timidly. "Their not mad, I think they've actually been eager for you to come back. Buffy was getting an itchy trigger finger in a manor of speaking." He wrapped an arm around Spike's waist, "Missed you."

Spike smiled, "Missed you too pet." He pulled the blanket up around both of them. "Get some sleep we'll talk more later."

Xander nodded and kissed Spike's cheek. "Yeah talking would be good."

They all sat around the Magic Box, each of them quiet. Angel had returned to L.A a couple days earlier because of another up and coming apocalypse.

Buffy looked between Spike and Xander, no one could ignore how close they sat beside each other. "So what's the plan?"

"I kill him," Spike growled his eyes flashing yellow.

"I get that, and I am all for helping but a plan is always good." Buffy responded with an eye roll.

Xander grabbed a hold of Spike's hand earning him a smile, "If it's all the same I'd really prefer if you all weren't there."

"Xander," Giles pulled his glasses off cleaning them. "We all want justice for you."

"I just want him dead. Spike can handle that. If you guys take part in it, it will eat you up. Maybe not today but one day," Xander told them. "I don't want that on my conscious. So please for respect for me let us handle it."

"But…" Buffy went to argue but stopped when Willow laid a hand on her arm.

Willow looked at Xander, "If that's what you want we won't fight you."

"Thanks Wills," Xander gave her a half smile.

Spike wanted to get this over with and to let Xander finally have some rest. "Where do we find him?"

"It's Friday," Xander said quietly. "He told me he goes to that underground club I told you about every Friday."

"Looks like we're going clubbing than pet," Spike informed Xander. "You don't have to come you know? You've got nothing to prove." He whispered in Xander's ear.

"I want too," Xander answered with determination. "I want to see him with same fear I had."

Title: All's Not Lost 10/10

Author: forsaken2003

Pairings: S/X, A/W

Rating: NC17 (Mild description)

Disclaimer: I own none, all belong to Joss Whedon  
Comments: Always welcomed!

Summary: Xander is date raped and Spike is there to help him

Warnings/Spoilers: Season 5 No Glory, No Dawn

Plot Bunny by: Lady Q: write a story where Xander is date raped

Beta'd by: Dragonfly_64

Part Ten

Spike and Xander walked into the club, the music blaring. Xander stepped closer to Spike as panic rose in his chest. All the memories coming back, dancing on the dance floor, chatting at the table and the rape popped out even more so now.

"Almost over pet," Spike whispered in his ear. "When we're done here we'll head home. Lock ourselves away from the world for awhile. Just you and me."

"Can we order take out?" Xander asked trying to take his mind off the present situation.

Spike looked around trying to spot his prey. "Anything you want luv."

Xander smiled a little and wrapped his arm around Spike's waist keeping him close. He refused to think about what he was about to let Spike kill someone. It wasn't his fault; none of it was his fault. "I don't see him," Xander did another look around. "W-what if he's in the backroom with someone else?"

Spike's nostrils flared, "Where's the backroom?"

"Behind the bar," Xander answered pointing in the right direction.

Making sure he had a firm grip on Xander Spike pushed his way through the crowd. He ignored the dirty looks and curses that were directed at him. He pushed open the door his gaze automatically landing on Brett and another man.

"Help me!" The man neither of them knew begged from over Brett's shoulder.

Spike growled and ripped Brett off the poor sod, giving him time to scramble up and get his clothes on before dashing out of the room.

Brett stood and glared at Spike before his eyes landed on Xander, "Xander it's nice to see you again."

Xander's hands became fists, his anger getting the best of him. Who did this guy think he was? That he could ask so nonchalant after what he did to Xander.

"Don't need to be talking to him," Spike snarled. "You really thought you'd get away with what you did to my boy?"

Brett looked confused, "Your boy? Hey man I didn't know he was with you."

Xander hauled Brett up and slammed him into the wall. "He's talking about what you did to me you bastard."

Brett looked at Xander his eyes wide with fear, "Hey it wasn't all bad was it?"

Xander punched Brett in the face, "Having your tiny dick touching me at all was bad."

Spike placed a hand on Xander's shoulder, "Xander let me finish this yeah?"

"Spike I…" Xander's hand tightened around Brett's neck

"What is it pet?" Spike asked wondering what was going on through Xander's mind.

"I want to be the one to kill him," Xander replied his eyes cold as he looked at Brett. He couldn't be scared anymore, he had to face this.

Spike's eyes widened, "Xander… no."

"Why not?" Xander demanded to know. "He made me suffer it's only fair that I kill him."

"You are not a killer," Spike told him feeling like he had to remind him. "You can't go back who you were if you take a life."

"I'm not the same person though am I?" Xander countered back.

Spike shook his head, Xander was right he wasn't the same person not completely. "I'm not going to let you lose more of yourself. I know I promised I'd do anything for you but this isn't one of them." He grabbed Xander and pushed him away before snapping Brett's neck. "You're not a monster not like me."

Xander was angry, at Spike and Brett but also at himself. When did he become the monster? He fell to the floor and just stared at Brett who seemed to be staring right back.

"It's over Xan," Spike said as he knelt before Xander. "You best get out of here I'll meet you at the car. I'll be there in a mo' just got to get rid of the trash."

Spike helped him back up and Xander leaned in to Spike's space and placed a soft and quick kiss on his lips. Pulling away Xander almost looked at peace, "Thank you Spike. Thank you for not letting me. It's weird I'm pissed at you for it but at the same time I'm not."

"That means I made the right decision. You wouldn't have been able to live with it pet, would have eaten you up from the inside and killed you." Spike placed a hand on Xander's cheek. "I wouldn't be able to live with that."

Xander gave him a small smiled and made his way to the door before pausing, "Spike?"

"Yeah luv?" Spike asked as he hulled Brett up off the floor.

"I want you to stick around," Xander told him. "Is that okay?"

"Not going anywhere Nummy," Spike promised and than shooed him away. He had clean up to do before they could go home.

The next few days Spike refused to let the others around. Right now Xander needed to process what had happened and he couldn't do that with his friends crowding him. He noticed that Xander seemed to be fine though. It made him think that maybe Xander wasn't as good as everyone had originally thought or Brett took a piece of his soul that he wouldn't get back.

Xander looked over at Spike and smiled before turning his attention back to the X-men movie that was playing on television. His hand slid across the couch and not so subtly took a hold of Spike's. A small smile played over his lips when Spike gave his hand a firm but gentle squeeze.

Than again maybe Spike could help Xander find that piece that was missing. He settled back to watch the movie. That Hugh Jackman wasn't such a bad looking bloke.

The End


End file.
